The Internet Makes You Stupid

2007-10-20T16:04:00.000-07:00

There's a website called Something Awful that proclaims on its slogan: The Internet Makes You Stupid. But, to be fair, the bits of wisdom, the twisted, dark, but utterly true wisdom the internet offers may surprise you as well as disturb you. The internet may be every bit of a negative force as the elite staff of writers at Something Awful proclaims but the neglected intelligence of a millions of desperate, dejected men in their mid 20s and early 30s cannot be underestimated.
So if we take a second of our lives and ignore of the pictures of silly cats with captions, hentai, and other miscellany, we can instead of ask the right questions. Not, "will it blend" but instead "what can we learn?" In this case, what can we learn from a group of individuals that play World of Warcraft and jack off to cartoon chicks all day.
So enlarge those pictures by clicking them, read and laugh at a classic observation. Think of it as a self-help guide for the mentally retarded.

Note: For this post, I did not use Google's Picasa and instead opted to use Imageshack.us.

Evolution of Porn [It can only get worse]

2007-10-19T19:48:00.001-07:00

Ever since the Neanderthals figured how to chisel shit onto walls, the world would never be the same ever again. For better or worse, porn in the prehistoric era was abstract at best as the troglodytes at the time were still figuring out how to have sex in the first place. Oral and anal sex came first. Those that understood vaginal penetration produced offspring and passed on their genes to the next generation. The rest were left choking on cum and dying humiliating deaths. Bodies were found with gaping anuses and atrocities like feces slathered penises only exacerbated the need for porn to guide how-to have sex. Only in the 21st century did oral and anal sex embraced once again.
So here is my tribute to pr0n where I detail the important "eras" of porn. (Like any adolescent, the internet was my gateway...)

The Artistic Age

Shortly after 500 BC, white people from Europe realized they could get away with porn as long as it was art at the same time. Porn at this time was tasteful and the church commissioned many artists so they could put porn on cathedral walls.

The Camera Era
Photography revolutionized porn. Now smut could be sent around and huge profits were being made. During this time, (i.e. around the late 1950s I presume) porn was battling against the petty morals of the religious right. At the time, photos were black and white and most of the time, they had articles of clothing on the girls while they posed in a suggestive manner. This was lame.

The video era
Finally hardcore porno was introduced. Stars were uncensored for the first time and no clothes was fine.

The Post-Martin Luther King Era

Black people discovered that they were beautiful too and people rediscover the sexiness of the Neanderthal descendants. Also, Dr. Watson retracts his statements that black people are inferior in intelligence.

The Ethnic Era
Asians discover plastic surgery. Girls are gaining confidence because being sexually repressed is unappealing and fucking a lot of guys is the new "in" thing. No, I'm not jealous.

The Japanese Intermittency
Japanese people once again fuck with our heads. Fucking Japanese people. What the fuck. I'm jacking off to Saturday Morning Cartoons and Pokemon.

The Liberal Era

Gay marriage debates. Lesbian sex. Porn is at its pinnacle evolutionary state. Finally girls are getting along with each other (and in some cases men). There is nothing more perfect than two girls going at it until our preconceptions of the human capacity to do utter and irredeemable evil is once again...

The Internet EraNOTHING will save you from GOATSE. YOU cannot unsee this shit. What the fuck is wrong with you people?! Fuck you!
In other words, look up internet rule #34.

Yes, my friend, this is the sound of your childhood dying.

Loopholes in the Bible

The Internet Makes You Stupid

Evolution of Porn [It can only get worse]